“I’m so frustrated,” said the mother of the toddler. “But I guess I just need to do better, right?” She said with a half-smile.
“What do you mean by do better?” I asked.
“You know, I gotta learn how to deal with these behaviors.” Said the obviously overwhelmed mom.
“Well, I wouldn’t say learn how to deal with these behaviors per se. What if I showed you a way to hack the behaviors?” I said while looking her directly in the eye.
“You have my attention.” She said as she chuckled a little.
I began to show her a way to figure out which two human basic needs were driving the behaviors of her child in order to hack any behavior from that point forward.
Learning how to hack human behavior has become sort of a superpower of mine and because I am passionate about children and families, I am using it to show parents how to hack any unfavorable behavior for good.
How could your life change if you knew how to hack any behavior in a positive way? Would you have more fun times with your children? More peace in the home? No stress about getting phone calls and emails from the school?
Now that I have your attention, let’s explore the subject of behavior hacking.
I remember it vividly. I was listening to Tony Robbins training while getting ready for my day. This wasn’t unusual for me as listening to personal development was part of my daily routine.
However, this particular training was a game changer for me. Tony was training on six human basic needs and what was intriguing to me is when he began to talk about how once we figured out what basic needs are leading us, then we will know WHY we had certain behaviors.
Why being my favorite question, I had an epiphany.
The light bulb went off.
Genius had struck. (You get the point but for dramatic effect, humor me please LOL)
I could help parents use this same information with their children in order to ‘hack’ behaviors. So I immediately took this information to one of my clients.
I told her that I had a way to show her how to hack the behaviors of her children and she was interested in learning.
I showed her how to observe what two basic human needs were driving her children’s behavior so that she could figure out a way to hack them.
What happened next was pure awesomeness.
I followed up with her two weeks later as mentioned and she was super excited to speak with me.
“Tameka, oh my goodness, this really works.” She said barely able to calm down from excitement.
As I smiled I said, “Okay, tell me what happened step by step and don’t leave out any details. LOL”
She began to tell me how she followed my process of observing the behaviors, then followed the advice of using little tips to help drive the behaviors in a positive way. Then she burst out and said, “AND IT REALLY WORKS! Oh my goodness, I have told everyone around me about you. This really works.”
So now, I wanna share with you the six human basic needs in order to help you hack into what’s driving the behavior of your little ones.
1. Certainty–the need for safety, stability, security, comfort, order, predictability, control and consistency.
2. Uncertainty or variety–the need for variety, surprise, challenges, excitement, difference, chaos, adventure, change, and novelty.
3. Significance–the need to have meaning, special, pride, needed, wanted, sense of importance and worthy of love.
4. Love and connection–the need for communication, unified, approval, and attachment–to feel connected with, intimate and loved by other human beings.
5. Growth–the need for constant emotional, intellectual and spiritual development.
6. Contribution–the need to give beyond ourselves, give, care, protect and serve others.
All of us have these basic needs however we priority two of them differently. Which ever the two (or three) we prioritize leads our behavior, whether good or bad.
Let’s discuss the brief process I use with my clients in order to hack behaviors for a positive outcome.
The three step behavior hacking process is simple. Step One. Figure out the driving needs. Step Two. Make a few adjustments to meet those needs in a positive way. Step Three. Hack the behavior for good.
Once you know this secret, there’s not any unfavorable behavior that will get you down ever again. If you would like to find out what’s driving your child’s behavior, take this 2 min quiz now!